For many people, due to the popularity of porn, their impression of BDSM remains in Fifty Shades of Grey. Or they think it's quite extreme, and many people don't like it. But in fact BDSM is more common than we think, and BDSM is not always related to violence, and it is not limited to dungeons.
What BDSM actually means:
BDSM encompasses bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). These constructs are called BDSM, and these terms are often misused because people usually prefer or only engage in one or two of them, but not all of them.
1. BDSM is fringe and disliked by most people
Many people have misconceptions about BDSM, believing that most people are not interested in it. But a 2014 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that 65% of women have fantasized about being dominated, 47% have fantasized about being dominated, and 52% have fantasized about being tied up.
2. Obtaining your partner’s consent and respect is key
Communicating with your partner and getting their consent is key before you start trying. Consent is sexy. Understand each other's preferences and boundaries and respect them. And develop a safe word to help you play better.
3. BDSM is always about sex
BDSM is not always about sex, although that is true for some people, but some people like them simply because they are addicted to the intense feelings that BDSM brings. If you don't like combining BDSM and sex, that's totally fine.
4. BDSM may cause emotional harm
A common misconception about BDSM is that BDSM can cause emotional harm and is an activity that harms one's partner. People who like BDSM have suffered physical or psychological harm, and even think that people who like BDSM are perverts.
5. It’s not all whips and chains all the time
There are many props for BDSM, and they don’t always have to be whips and chains. If you don’t like it, it’s completely okay to abandon it. BDSM does not have any inherent form, and BDSM relationships are not fixed and can be transformed.
6. BDSM is always dangerous
BDSM has always been considered dangerous and risky. In fact, BDSM prides itself on emotional and physical safety, focusing on safety awareness and risk. Understand each other's boundaries, pay attention to safety measures and set safe words during the exploration process, and observe your partner's reaction.
7. Pain is the undertone of BDSM
Because of some porn, or the inherent impression about BDSM. For example, if you mention BDSM, you will think of a dominatrix wearing latex clothes and holding a whip. Although some people like the pleasure brought by pain, this does not mean that pain is accompanied by BDSM. For example, bondage, restraint, sensory deprivation, and orgasm denial are activities that do not involve pain and allow you to feel pleasure. Another part of the misconception is that if you are into BDSM, that means you have been hurt in some context in the past.
8. BDSM is always associated with violent injuries
BDSM is not always about violence and gore, nor is it always about whipping, binding, and being whipped. After all, there are only a minority of people who like violence. Most BDSM is done to make the partner feel at ease and to ensure the partner's consent.
9. You can choose your favorite activities
BDSM doesn't always have to be violent or dangerous, you can choose the gentler activities you like to start with. Start trying things like blindfolding, spanking, sensory play, nipple clamps, temperature play, using sex toys, etc.
10. Can be simple or technical
For players who want to try BDSM, starting with something simple is not only safe, but also an activity acceptable to most people. For example, spanking, blindfolding, nipple clamps, hot wax, simple bondage, etc., these are all categories of bondage. Of course, when trying some exciting and adventurous activities, consent and safety must be ensured.
11. BDSM requires a lot of expensive toys
BDSM-themed porn often has a fully equipped home dungeon, latex wardrobe, or lots of props, and so many props cost a lot of money. This will give people a misunderstanding that trying BDSM requires a lot of equipment, or that you can only start trying BDSM activities if you have all the tools and equipment. Such misunderstandings will deter many people.
In fact, of course you can buy many related props that you like, such as blindfolds, handcuffs, whippers, paddles, ropes, etc. But using common items in daily life is also a good choice, such as scarves, ties, stockings, etc. Use your imagination and boldly use items in daily life.
12. It’s not spontaneous like in porn
Due to the influence of porn and movies, most people believe that BDSM is spontaneous. But this is not the case in real life. Most BDSM is not spontaneous. It requires communication, expressing each other's wishes, ensuring consent, etc. before starting.